人生

今年都二十岁了... 一眨眼.. 就过了二十年.... 想一想 人的岁数到底有多长?? 要是只能活到八十岁..... 那我岂不是还有三倍的 "二十年" 而已?? 就那么短暂... 一瞬间就过了的岁月... 人生.... 难不成... 就是 : 读书... 毕业..... 工作.... 赚钱...... 结婚... 生小孩...

这难道就是人们所说的.. 人生道路?? 八十年.... 看来似长... 但其实是很短的... 人... 真的是... 需要的不多...想要得太多.... 我...当然也..一样咯 =) 只不过.. 往往的我.... 就是那么的任性... 觉得自己做的决定是... 对的... 虽然大家都不看好... 就那么短短的几十年... 到最后...还不是...就睡在那"箱子"里... 为什么... 要顾虑那么多呢?...想要的... 觉得对的... 我觉得... 没必要...为了想得太复杂... 或许真的可能会有那么一天...大家所担心的事..发生了.... 可我相信... 只要... "...答应我的".... 我深信.. 一定能美好的=).... 我... 快乐... 但也不快乐...

sienz

how come people will change so much in a sudden? how come 2 months ago he still say he love you.. but now he don't have feeling for u....both are my friends... no matter how i feel.... disappointed... or whatever...i cannot tell my friend that he fall in love with other girl now...
It's quite pathetic... There's no right or wrong I believe as this is a feeling... when it change... we cannot control it... however... what I think is that... if u started to get into a relationship... are u just trying to fill your temporary loneliness? did you ever really know what you want? I think we should responsible for all our decision....
Anyway... I hope you really know what is right for you and what is right for her as well...

tired to see a friend having the same problem throughout 4 years....

I just don't get it... why she would like to make herself suffer? i really don't know what else to say to her.. it's quite tiring to see her like that as well... I would glad if she leave him and live her ownlife.. "he" is not a good man, not a good husband... how could she imagine to live the rest of her life with him? crying all the time and depressed... do you still want to be like this? for the rest of your life? wake up plz my friend... u still can live ur own life without him... he is not ur only one... you have friends... family.... why wouldn't you just make urself happy? U can be independent and show him that you can live well without him!... He is not deserved to torture you like that k?

why am i writing blog again?

This is not doubtable that...Most of the time i write blogs because Im feeling upset ... lonely.. and missing someone...

Now is 4.15 a.m.. I'm still awake.... why??

Herm... perhaps due to the factor that I'm always having insomnia problem.. and that's why i make myself tired.. and can sleep straight away after I get overtired...

There are too many things that I keep worry about.... not knowing why I react like that? why i keep thinking about things that not even happen yet... Im so into the things that are uncertain... Everybody keep telling me to make myself calm and there's no need to look or worry for the things that have not yet happen and just do whatever you need to do for now...

I can't do that.. It's out of my control.. This is me... I've always like this...

People never know who I am .... the real me.... except my best friend ever.. still missing her most of the time....

I seem like live in imagination... illusion... not living in the life that I've hope for so long... Im doing whatever thing Im doing now to make others happy... although what they ask me to do is for my own sake.. I know it....

I give up easily... that's me.. it's so pathetic....

How come everybody say I'm not stupid but i feel myself stupid most of the time huh??
I hate when people say me clever... smart.....
I hate when people asking me result... I get upset when u guys do so.. cuz I really don't want anyone to know about it no matter it's a good result or vice versa.. I do not want to feel disappointed...

I don't get it why would they love to know about it?? This is my own privacy...
I hate people compete with me~~

I too care about what people think of me... I'm too worry that if my result is not good.. I will feel deeply embarassed.. as a chinese... I scare people will think Im a weirdo... and I scare people look at me as a dumb person...

I scare to do things which may annoy my friends...

Is it hard for me to be my ownself??

I feel like for these 20 years n another coming 3 years ++ onward.... I'm not living with my own desire... I wish I could see the mirror and say that's me....

一个很怀念的朋友

我总觉得。。。离你越来越远。或许是我们都在不同的地方了。。以往的那种交情。。我是多么的怀念。。认识你。真的是我的荣幸。。虽然相识不到一个月。。我们就成了很好的朋友。。一天到晚贴着对方，好像孪生姐妹似的。。“小黑，小白。。。你个子高，我个子矮。。。”这一切一切我非常的想念。。我也很难相信，也百思不能其解。。我们的缘分。。真的真的好奇妙。。我总觉得你是上天派下来协助我的贵人。。没有你的出现。。当时的我。。真的不懂会变成怎么样。。但是。。现在没有了你在我身边。。虽然还是一样，一天又一天地过着日子。。但总是还是觉得少了些东西。。很多时候感觉很空虚。。我再也找不到像你一样的知己。。一个让我可以不必再打电话回家哭。。一个可以让我随时跑去你那里痛哭一场，诉苦。。大喊大叫。。劝导我。。帮我度过压力的时刻。。读书的问题。。也只有让我不介意让你知道我成绩的朋友。告诉我。。安慰我。。不要害怕。。。坚强点。。庄阳霜！！有什么不懂的可以问我。。成绩没什么大不了的。。还记得起初。。我很常跑去你房间问你功课。。但过后却很少去找你了。。因为觉得你很凶。。每次不会功课的时候问你，你给我的感觉就是。我自己非常非常的“笨蛋”。。这样也不懂。。虽然你没那个意思。。只因我自己太敏感了。。。过后你就来问我。。有什么功课不会么？做么那么多不会也不来问我哦？？听了你那么一说有点不好意思。。起初还没那么熟。。你的那一句话让我再次有了勇气跑去问你了。。 不过情况还是这样啦。。呵呵。。 只是久了就熟起来。。很多时候觉得你说的话让我不舒服。。我就会跟你说。。而我也让你很不舒服。。因为每次遇到功课上有问题。。脸上就挂着很多“愁”字。。紧张。。很不开心。。压力。。让你也觉得烦恼吧？ 虽然我们很常吵架。。因为意见不合。。想起来有时会觉得很好笑。。很像小孩子嘞！。。
唯独你最了解我。。最能顶得顺我很多很多的怪缺点。(不能够跟任何人在同一房间读书。。不喜欢出去玩。。读书不能有任何一点声音。。*一个一天24小时听音乐的你为了我每次都用耳机来听噢 。。) 只有你顶得顺我这个哭包。。。 什么都顺着我 。。最让我很喜欢的日常活动就是 。。呵呵。。吃晚餐。。我们俩每一天7点就一起走路去kafe吃晚餐。。每次都是拿饭和炸鸡！。。哈哈。。而且吃都吃上一小时诶！。是我的错。。因为我不能吃快。会啃到。。很辛苦。。你都不介意。。等我。。不会催我。。还跟我说，吃慢慢好啊。。消化比较好。。身为一个吃东西超级快，5分钟就可以吃完的你。。为了我。。吃上一小时嘞！ 很感动啦。。记得我头头都不肯出去外面吃东西。。整天躲在房间吃快熟面。。吃面包。。因为好不开心。。一直想逃跑。。而且我吃东西又那么慢。。不好意思要人家等我。。。还是过后你把我拉出来的。。 ：）

而且你不爱打包。。更别说别人啦。。你也不喜欢 ：） 觉得很不环保噢。。我都很崇拜你一下的噢。。 不喜欢别人乱丢垃圾，不喜欢别人浪费水，不喜欢浪费食物。。呵呵。。对了..每次我总是吃完菜。。剩一大堆饭。。你就把你的菜肴给我。。感觉很温馨噢。。吃完饭后。我们就会走那条黑漆漆的路回房间。。唱着歌。。还记得张惠妹的听海么？我们常常“喊”这首歌的噢 。还有啊。。我时常都周六周末跑回家。。把你“丢下”噢。。你还是没抱怨。。你也不留我。因为你知道我一定要回家。。要不然心里会很难受。。你明白我是很难控制自己的情绪。。很会胡思乱想。。尤其是接近考试的时候。。（总是哭哭啼啼。。我要回家。。结果爸爸妈妈驾车从Port Klang 到Perak 载我回。。一个星期的study week学校不给回。。我很担心。。因为我在学校很难读书。。我心里很怕很怕。。怕不能回。。怕回家后不明白又能问谁。。）first sem study week的时候我记得我搭komuter antarabandar火车要回家.. 突然收到你的信息。。 鼓励我要在家好好读书。。不用担心。。什么不会的就打电话给你。。 看了还真的很感动呢。。而且每次回来。。你都会把一切我没有拿到的lecture notes都准备好好给我。。或者把一切认为我都会要都帮我做好。。你就知道我什么都要。。你有的。。我都有。。因为你知道我一定要有很多书在我身边。。要有很多notes.要有很多参考书。。因为我才不会那么怕。。那么担心。。又是一个怪癖。。你都没让我觉得有问题噢。。你都说没什么啊。。很正常的。。
唉。。现在呢？？好郁闷啊。。。。
医生告诉我。。没有必要一定要有个最好的朋友。。出处都是朋友。。可是我却不这么觉得。。我知道自己是很需要的。。 或许。。从小到大。。都有很好很好的朋友吧。。没试过这样的情况。。觉得好多时候。很难过。。不懂要向谁说。。。担心没有人会想听。。觉得我很烦。。觉得这是一点小事罢了。。搞不懂我为什么要这样。。怕别人觉得我很怪。。 只觉得自己很。。失败啦。。 很多时候。。 都会突然想起你。。有时在房间突然很怕很怕。。压力起来。。哭起来。。也不能去找你了。。你也不在我身边了。。看你也在你那里的生活很充实，很忙碌。。我也不怎么敢打搅你啦。不过其实也觉得很好啦。。要是你跟我一起。还是一样老样子。。什么都不参与。。觉得你过得很开心啊.. 我还是一样啦。。 不想参加这些活动。。 自己真的是很“笨”啦。。 读书要比别人读上几百倍才明白的。。 感觉脑袋很不争气。。 还是老样子。。每个星期跑回家。。关在属于自己的房间里读书。。安静。。抛开烦恼。。让自己心里没有那么难过。。还是每一天倒数着过日子。倒数什么时候可以回家。什么时候放假。。。 不倒数。。。我不能走下去呢。。。